The organizer of a human safari package holiday has spoken out after one of his guests turned the event into a “fiasco” with a string of self-centred demands and “unprofessional” behaviour.

Clarence Jumpleads III (above) has exclusively revealed to this blog the details of the situation. Whilst the attendee in question has not been named, it is thought to be international trophy hunter Lyle McPaddux. Jumpleads picks up the story:

“A few times a year I put together a human safari to which I invite friends and interested parties. We put out feelers for homeless men or the dispossessed and then offer them a substantial sum of money if they can evade death at our hands on a private island. We pay for their flights, not first class but they get a good deal. Everyone has a laugh and a fun time, but this safari was different.”

The appearance of a snooty first timer led to chaos for the assassination-based break.

“This guy was a nightmare! It all started when he set out ahead of us when we were all enjoying a glass of champagne and talking about how we were going to hunt down this vagrant we’d recruited. Not only did he sneak off for an early crack at him, he’d taken all the bullets as well!”

Lyle McPaddux
Lyle McPaddux

The wealthy whack-meisters were appalled to learn that the cheeky transgressor had gunned down the prey and returned to the hotel. When confronted the hunter simply asked “when the next one was due in”.

“I have honestly never seen such unprofessional behaviour at a human safari. It was a total fiasco! He thought he had first dibs on the slayings. And he took the piss with room service! I’m letting it be known publically because this character is obviously trying to damage the reputation of morally questionable bloodsports.”

We have tried contacting someone who may or may not be Lyle McPaddux, but stopped after he informed us we had been added to his kill list.